Understanding NLP.
Building skills for better communication
If you are like me you might be a bit unsure about Neuro Linguistic Programming otherwise known as NLP.
Maybe your perception of it is that it can be used to manipulate? Maybe you’ve heard of it, but don’t know much about it? Or maybe you’ve never heard of it at all.
Here is a bit of what I’ve learned about NLP while working to becoming a certified practitioner in it and why I think we can all benefit from understanding NLP and how it’s used everyday.
Can you finish these well known slogans?
Wendy’s: Where’s the ..
McDonald’s: You deserve a break ..
Gillette: The best a man..
Nike: Just …
If you finished any of the above sentences in your head you know what it means to have your thoughts conditioned by targeted repetition and you might recognize that it’s been done and is being done all the time.
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An Introduction to NLP.
I am not entirely sure where my curiosity for NLP came from.
Maybe it was a “self help guru” I saw pitching it? Or it could’ve been the performative stage hypnosis act I once saw (very funny). The idea that our thoughts, language and how we use them to communicate impacts the results we have is fascinating to me.
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I don’t know exactly why, but I’ll admit I feel a bit guarded when it comes to NLP. I know I definitely hold two points of view when it comes to how this tool is used.
On one hand I love it and embrace it because I know I’ve used the tools myself and it’s been a powerful tool for positive change. Way before I even heard the term NLP I made the connection that certain foods made me feel kind of “yuck” after eating them. It just so happened that those foods were not very healthy. I started thinking about how the food made me feel before I ate it and this resulted in me giving up the food for good. No real willpower needed and I didn’t even feel like it was a loss. I had unconsciously tied the unpleasant feeling directly to that food and no longer had the desire to eat it. I rewired my brain!
On the other hand it’s pretty terrifying how the same tool is used on the masses to condition people for specific outcomes from selling products to political propaganda. If something is said loud enough and often enough it can quickly become assumed knowledge even if it isn’t true. We saw this happen most recently with the covid shots. They were marketed as vaccines even though the technology never fit the original definition of vaccine. Calling the injections vaccines was important because product recognition was needed for the population to take the injections willingly. There was an assumed safety level with the word vaccine opposed to the unknowns of mRNA gene technology.
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Like I said, it’s pretty terrifying how delivery and language can persuade people to act without critical thought or investigation particularly when it comes to our health.
I recognize the benefits that NLP can provide and I hope you will too. It is a tool for helping people resolve obstacles in thinking patterns that keep them from taking actions they need to take to get the results they want. It provides solutions for better communication and teaches people how to effectively convey a message for the best outcomes when the intention is for good. Powerful stuff!
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Habitual thinking patterns are difficult to recognize and overcome without tools to identify them. It can keep us frustrated and unable to understand why we can’t achieve a deeply desired goal when we are trying so hard to change our habits.
Deep neuro pathways are built over time and through repetition. We tend to think the same thing over and over and that reinforces our behaviors . Understanding how these neuro pathways are built and why is key to building new ones for the outcomes we want.
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NLP is used everyday for consumer marketing, government propaganda and other repetitive conditioning programs that may not hold the best intentions for an individual. It may sound far fetched, but we are subjected to mind control techniques for most of our lives. Don’t believe me? Milk, it does the …
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Now believe me, I understand the hesitancy in having to dissect every conversation. I don’t think that we have to do that just because we learn some tools for NLP. I think we can be aware of some tools without having to be critiquing every conversation we have. Let’s face it, who wants to have a conversation with someone who is calculating their every word for a specific outcome? The world needs more authenticity not more contrived behavior. I think we can adapt our communication style consciously at first and then integrate it into an unconscious behavior naturally that works for win win outcomes.
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What I’ve come to understand is that it’s better to understand the principles of NLP regardless of our opinion on it because we are better off being able to identify it when we see it and use it to build better habits. Essentially it is just a set of tools used to be an effective communicator.
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Some History.
NLP was developed in the 1970s by John Grinder and Richard Bandler. These founders identified a set of common advanced communication skills, through the studying of top performers in their respective areas of expertise.
By understanding and replicating (or modeling) their thinking and behavioral patterns, this approach argues that you can achieve the same positive results.
The tools, techniques and strategies derived from these studies help you to understand yourself and others; how you act and react in the world; how you and others communicate; and how you can easily gain rapport with others to realize positive outcomes.
Some methods used for more effective communication.
I think we can all relate to the awkwardness of a first communication with someone we don’t know. It can be quite painfully awkward especially when efforts to build a connection are stone walled or deflected.
Many of us don’t look at building rapport as a skill. For some it comes naturally and they don’t even realize they do it, but what I realized through NLP training was that not everyone understands building rapport or how it can help achieve more win win outcomes when we aim to build it first.
To some people building rapport is part of adhering to social graces and making communication more comfortable, but what if someone was raised with a real straight shooter in a “no time for chit chat” type of household? They may come across as aggressive or too direct through no fault of their own.
Nobody teaches us in school that there are keys to building effective communication. Instead we are left to fumble about hoping to build effective communication pathways.
Thinking about this in context leaves me wondering just how many relationships are ruined because of misunderstandings and differences in communication styles.
If we can learn to identify peoples natural style of communicating then we can speak their “language” and therefore be more effective at communicating and minimize misunderstandings that lead to broken relationships.
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Identifying a Style
A style or “modality” can be crucial to making sure the person you’re talking to receives your message the way you intended it.
The auditory communicator prefers words like.
Listen
Hear
Silent
Sounds
Resonate
Silence
A visual communicator prefers words like
See
Saw
Look
Imagine
View
Clear
A kinesthetic communicator prefers words like
Touch
Feel
Move
Get a handle
Turn around
If we can learn to incorporate the preferred communication style cues when we are interacting with people we can be more selective in the language we use to communicate with the different styles.
People who favor the visual system of communication often stand or sit with heads and bodies erect with their eyes up. They tend to breath from the top of their lungs. They sit forward in their chair and are usually well organized neat and well groomed.
People who favor auditory system of communication may move from side to side. They usually breathe from the middle of the chest. They may even move their lips when they talk to themselves. They learn by listening and usually like music and talking on the phone.
Kinesthetic communicators breathe from the bottom of their lungs. They like physical touch and often stand closer to people than a person who prefers the visual or auditory style would. They memorize by doing or walking through something.
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Delivery of information.
There are big picture people and there are details people. People who receive information better in big chunks and others who prefer small bites strung together.
It’s important to know that no style is good or bad. It is just a matter of speaking to people in the best format for how they process information.
Some people prefer getting information in big chunks while others prefer getting information in smaller chunks with a lot of detail. Knowing how they prefer to process information is key to being able to be understood correctly.
Identifying NLP techniques can help us be better critical thinkers.
When we know how to identify the techniques being used in communication we can piece out what is fact and what may be being used to persuade.
This ability has never been more important than it is now. We are facing propaganda campaigns from both government and corporations alike for the intention of impacting and profiting off the way we live. Language has never been more weaponized for very specific outcomes.
From safe and effective “vaccines” that were never vaccines by traditional definition, to the climate change agenda that has more to do with controlling resources, technology for surveillance and data collection than it does climate. Knowing how to communicate and how we are being communicated to is crucial to preserving our fundamental rights.
Be aware of NLP as a set of tools used for better communication and for purposes of persuasion. Identify your style and be aware of the other styles. The way we deliver information can make or break how we receive a message.
By understanding NLP techniques we can not only be better communicators ourselves we can understand how we are being communicated to and for what purpose. This helps us all become more critical thinkers and information processors.
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